Monday, December 17, 2012

what to do about nothing

Happy Holidays

I say lighten up.

Thanks to some of my e-mail  pals,
I have learned that my prayers
only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven
of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along
to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my
back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

 I can't use any toilet but my own because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks for the  great advice I can't ever pick up a dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Only Kidding, it's just for fun.

Posted by Yvonne @ La Petite Gallery
Comments are welcome


Splenderosa said...

OMG, I know exactly how you feel...and this is so so funny. The fleas would do me in for certain!
Otherwise, I'm just going on about my life, except for walking under a ladder, stepping on a crack, or crossing a black cat's path.
Merry Christmas !!

Ima Weed said...

Oh, just too good Yvonne ! i needed a laugh today. i will however have to purchase a mailing list to get up to the 144.000 friends.

Sherry @ No Minimalist Here said...

Yvonne, Thanks for the giggle and letting me know coca cola would clean toliet stains. ha ha.
Happy Holidays.

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Hilarious and sadly true. I have a friend who persists in sending me angels to watch over me and gifts from heaven as long as I email six friends including her else I'm not worthy of the angel And not a true friend. Hooley dooley this is Julie signing out

Ps you will only receive this comment if you reply to me within 30 seconds (give or take a week or two)

Luv ya!!!! Xxx julie

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

teeeheeee....OH YVONNE, YOU SAID IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

You are quite the comedian my dear. I will never forget the post you did on the groundhog....when you saw it, you said, "WHat the hell is it?" I just laughed so hard.


Leovi said...

I wish you a good Christmas, thank you very much for your loving greeting. Greetings.

Catherine Nolin said...

HI Yvonne,
Wishing you a wonderful Christmas as well filled with much joy and peace. Thanks for all your comments this year!Catherine

Jennifer Beaudet said...

Yvonne, you cracked me up! This was so hilarious! We really do need to lighten up! Thanks for the laugh:)
Merry Christmas!

Isabelle Thornton said...

You are so funny. I guess my life could get worse! Lol
Merry Christmas!

Thistle Cove Farm said...

So funny! Yvonne, I was thinking about a similar e-mail and wondered where it was so I could post. You've done it and thanks!
Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Peggy Jones said...

Dear dear Yvonne, I have been so remiss in coming by to see how you are doing. Sounds like you are up to your fiesty self again. I so needed this post. I am enjoying cooking and finishing up all my homemade Christmas gifts. They are all wrapped now and for the first time in a few years I even felt like decorating outside. After days of rain finally some sunshine. Merry Christmas and a blessed New year to you and yours.

annechovie said...

Oh, Yvonne! You are a riot - thanks for the dose of humor. Thanks for the sweet message - Glad to hear that you and Renee are having fun. Sending much love to you both and wishes for a wonderful Christmas and a very peaceful, joyous 2013! xo

My Grama's Soul said...




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